Cul-de-sacs, Conduits, and Covid 19

Psalms 46: 1-3,11 NLT

¹ God is our (Heidi’s) refuge (safe place)

 and strength (energy),
    always ready(God’s timing is perfect)

 to help in times of trouble (that includes covid 19).
² So we (Heidi) will not fear (be angry)

when earthquakes come (my world feels like it’s falling apart)
    and the mountains crumble into the sea. (there is so much drama around me)
³ Let the oceans roar and foam. (let the anger and fear surface)
    Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! (let the anxiety be expressed)

¹¹ The Lord of Heaven’s Armies (the Great I AM, the beginning and end)

is here among us;(is holding me, Heidi, in His hands)
    the God of Israel is our fortress. (God has the answers and is my safe place)

During these times, I have been thinking and meditating on how I turn my grief over the many losses into an action that is healthy and keeps me moving without getting stuck. My heart’s cry is to come out of this time having processed the grief in a biblical way and being stronger in who I am in Jesus.

In my searching and thinking, the word “lament” kept surfacing. Lament is an action word—a word that moves you from one place to another. But how do I do that? Is it even biblical? As I was thinking about this, I read an article by Mark Vroegop called Strong Churches Speak the Language of Lament on thegospelcoalation.org. This statement jumped out at me: “Laments are not cul-de-sacs of sorrow, but conduits for renewed faith.” My heart jumped; I loved this idea. For a short season, we may need to go through the circle of grief. But in lamenting, we are moving from that circle or cul-de-sac of sorrow into becoming a channel of God’s grace and love that God can use for his glory. I kept reading; Vroegop lays out four steps to a good lament.

1. Turn to Prayer
2. Bring our Complaints
3. Ask Boldly
4. Choose Trust

Although the article came from a reliable source, I wanted to see this pattern demonstrated in the pages of Scripture. David came to mind, so I turned to the Psalms to see if I could see this pattern. As I read over psalm after psalm, I saw part of this pattern over and over again. David always starts with addressing God for who he is, like in the passage above. (God is our refuge and strength). In some psalms, David complains and asks boldly; in others, he does only one of these. But he always chooses to trust God in the end.

As I pondered, I have come to believe that the fourth step is really the step that gets us moving out of the cul-de-sac and to becoming a conduit of God’s love and grace. I am finding, though, that unless I walk through the first steps with a vulnerability and authenticity with God, the fourth step is hard to move into. Only as we bring our true feelings, complaints, fears, and frustrations to our Heavenly Father in prayer, can we really leave them at the cross. Only when we give these to Jesus and ask him to carry the pain, can we truly choose to trust. I love how David ends this psalm: “God is my fortress.” God is my safe place. I don’t know what is happening or what is going to happen, but God is my safe place, the one I can trust.

I believe David understood about being vulnerable. He understood that his story really was not about himself. His story was about bringing God glory in every situation: in the pain and in the joy, in the laughter and the tears. Over and over, you see David reminding God that this craziness is really part of God’s story and God should do something. But in the end, David always surrenders to God his own ideas, hopes, and dreams for what might have been. David takes his hands off the controls and says, “God, I trust you know what you are doing. So I rest in you. Use me for your story.”

So I have been learning how to express to Jesus my fear, my anxiety, my grief. I often even let him know exactly what I would do if I was in charge. But then I leave those things in the hands of Jesus at the foot of the cross, and I walk away,

* choosing to trust that my God doesn’t make mistakes even in the middle of the chaos

* choosing to trust that the purpose of my life story is to point people to Jesus (my story really is not about me anyway)

*choosing to release my perceived control over my life, so that I can be part of God’s story.

“Lord, teach us to be people who are conduits of your love, who have truly processed our grief and losses. People who are choosing to trust you, even when we don’t understand. People who are willing to give up our “rights” so we can bring you glory in all we do.”