Christmas Spirit, what EVER!

I glanced down at my “To Do” list and groaned.

To do:

• Email Josie about the Christmas play
• Make sure home school happens today
• Make the sugar cookies dough for tomorrow
• Text Jill to check if kids are better
• Contact Sue about Christmas party
• Remember to feed my kids
• Text Mary about meeting on Wed
• Call Emma about Christmas program
• Remember to wash needed clothes for Christmas program tonight
• FIND MY CHRISTMAS SPIRT

It’s that time of year again, when the “to do” list is longer than we can handle. The finances get tight and tempers start to rise.  Our hearts feel overwhelmed and frustrated. 

As I climbed out of the car to rush my kids to their choir practice, the song “It’s the most wonderful time of the year” was playing on the radio.  My heart sarcastically remarked, “Yeah right, if you only knew.  I remember a time when life was slower and Christmas was fun.  That was a long time ago.” 

But then that sweet still small voice spoke.  Breathing a reminding into my heart, “What are you choosing?  Are you choosing people or events?  Are you choosing lots of activities or just being present?”

I paused to reflect.

I’ve been working through Galatians in my personal time.  The first two chapters are all about how the church had allowed the laws from Judaism to control how they were responding to new believers.  While they were free in Christ, they were still trying to live under the law.  The two didn’t work.  They were trying to live in both the old and new way of life.  They had allowed the law to hold more value than a relationship with Jesus.

I know that Paul was referring directly to the laws of Judaism that had creep into the faith of the church at Galicia.  But what if the “laws” that I’ve allowed to creep into my life are wrong values in my heart.  What if the “laws” that governing my Christmas activities is more about unrealistic expectations that I have placed on myself and the ministry God has given me.  What if “laws” are the fact that I’ve allowed myself to buy into the mindset that it’s my job to keep all the balls that I’m juggling in the air.    

Galatians 2: 16a  reads “Yet we know that a person is not justified by works of the law but through faith in Jesus Christ,” (ESV)  Justification, the act of being made righteous, doesn’t happen by following the law, rules prescribing what a person must do.  What rules/self expectations have I allowed to creep into my heart?  Rules/expectation like

• I have to keep my house perfectly during this time.
• My Christmas decorations have to look like Martha Steward.
• I must make as many Christmas goodies as possible.
• I must make sure the presents under the tree are exactly what is expected.
• I have to attend all local Christmas programs that I knew someone who is in it.
•  I must make time for every need I see during this Christmas season because it can be hard time for people…. 

 Unrealistic expectations have a way of creeping into our minds and unknowingly we often allow them to rule our hearts.  Expectations which are good and sound Godly, but they start ruling our hearts and becoming idols (something we serve beside God).  Expectations that we can never have the time or energy to complete and then guilt comes in like a wave.  The guilt of never being enough.   The guilt that leaves us feeling emotionally drained and ready to pull away from everyone around us.  The guilt that makes us paste on the fake smile and pretend that it’s all good.

One of the names of Jesus is Emmanual, “God with us”.  Jesus coming was so we could have a living, vibrant, and personal relationship with God.  Over and over during Jesus’ ministry, we see Jesus positively pointing out those who choose to be present in the moment, not those who are the busiest.

So my choice is, will I allow the rules of my expectations govern my heart this Christmas season or will I choose to be present in each moment that Jesus gives me?  Will I choose grace for my mistakes or will I allow guilt to control my heart?

Will I allow the wash to sit in a pile on the couch, so I can be present as my youngest giggles with glee as she helps decorate the Christmas tree?

Will I be ok with skipping the 10^th different kind of Christmas goodie which means I can’t brag about my accomplishment on facebook, so I can sit and cuddle with my hubby on the couch at the end of the day?

Will I choose to be present, an active participate in the relationships that are around me or will I be consumed with the details/expectations and allow them to rule my heart. 

Jesus, Emmanul (God with us), came to be an active participate in the relationships around him, may we choose to be present in relationships this Christmas season.

God Provided a Time of Rest

One way we saw God go before was when He provided a place for us to rest.

We knew when we were leaving Mozambique, that we were tired and needed a period of rest away for everything.  A time of rest when we didn’t need to think about setting up a new home and adjusting back to our sending culture.  

We looked at different options but going from a missionary’s salary to a pastor’s salary didn’t leave a lot of extra.  We also were looking for something close to MAF headquarters, since that would be our starting location.  One day when Conrad was searching online, he stumbled on to the website of a small ranch that had some cabins for people in ministry.  They even had a scholarship program which if you accepted; your lodging was free for up to two weeks.

He applied.  At first, we were told that they didn’t have anything that would be big enough to house our family.  So we kept looking.  Then we got another email saying that if our kids were wiling to sleep in a camper right next to the cabin, they had an opening for us.  The kids thought this sounded like a wonderful adventure.  Best yet, they informed us that we qualified for the scholarship. 

We asked for a week, but once we were there for a couple of days, we realized how exhausted we truly were.  So we spoke to the couple in charge and they said we could stay until the next people came. So we enjoy 10 wonderful days of rest in this beautiful location.

We are so thankful for people who have a vision to support missionaries and people in full time ministry by providing a place for them to rest.  Living Springs Ranch scholarships are only available because generous people give to this ministry each month to cover their operating cost.  It’s hard to find the words to express what a huge blessing this was to our family. 

As we think back, we also stand in amazement how God went before and a provided a place at the price we could afford to give us a time of rest.

Enjoy some of our pictures from our time there.

Justin learning to start a fire.

We LOVED being surrounded by the pine woods.

There were beautiful flowers all over.

Many fires were built and enjoyed!

Our cabin and trailer

More beautiful flowers in creative ways

Butterflies were all over

There was even a friendly dog! Which the kids LOVED since they had to leave their dogs in Mozambique.

So much wonderful space to run and explore

Enjoying one of the trails around the ranch.

There was horses to feel.  We wouldn't talk about how many bags of carrots we bought during our 10 days. 😉

Fun times roasting marshmallows and (American) hot dogs!  No where else in the world have we found hot dogs that taste quite like the ones you buy here in America.

The views were breath taking, refreshing, and so relaxing.

This is one of my favorite pictures I took while there.  A couple of months ago, I added the verse to it.

Remembering a Year Ago Today

I can't believe it's been so long since I've posted.  I would think about posting from time to time but nothing seemed to fit. A little over 4 months ago, one night I couldn't sleep.  I got up and wrote about the day we left. Today, on the one year anniversary of our departing Mozambique, I decided to share what I wrote that night with you. Even tonight as I read and remember, tears are flowing.  Here are my memories ...

"It’s almost 8 months since we boarded that plane the signified our journey in Mozambique with MAF completed.  And yet tonight as I tried to go to sleep, tears started to stream down my face.  I thought by this point I would be so much more adjusted to my “new” life.  I thought that I would have been over all the tears.  But yet I wept as I remembered our departure.

  Our team had all come to the airport to have one last meal together at the terminal restaurant.  As normal the restaurant was slow and the food lacking, but that wasn’t the point.  The point was we together one last time.  Different of the airport workers as well as our national staff would come by and give us their farewell.  As I looked around at my coworkers, I knew how much emotionally this was costing them, yet they stayed.

The plane we were to leave on, landed and the time had come.  We said our farewell to the coworkers with lots of hugs, we picked up our carry-ons and headed for immigration.  Unbeknownst to us, the immigration had changed to a “new” styles just days before.  So what would normally 5 to 10 minutes as we already had all our papers filled out, took 25 minutes just to get to the desk.  Then it took what felt like forever to do one person.  One of our national staff came down and chatted with the guy preparing to check people boarding the plane to make sure he knew we were suppose to be on that plane.  Then the boarding started.  And we waited for immigration to do their thing.  And we waited.  Finally the girls and I were through.  I grabbed all our carry-ons, which security decided they didn’t need to check out anymore since we were already holding up the plane and they knew no bribe from me.  The girls and I headed towards the door that lead to the tarmac. 

As I race out on the tarmac, there is sudden a huge cheer that goes up.  My coworkers were standing at the rail cheering for us as we made our way to the plane.  I placed the carry on onto the cart and they were quickly whisked away to belly of the airplane.  I turned and waved with tears streaming down my face.  There stood our coworkers, waving, cheering, and blowing kisses.  I knew how hard this was for them to stand there and cheer for us, yet they did it because they wanted us to know that we were loved and they were standing behind our “new” calling to a different location.  I boarded the plane with what felt like rivers flowing down my cheeks and as I sat in my seat, the stewardess brought me a handful on napkins.  In a stoic culture, this amount of display of emotions wasn’t normal. 

And then I heard the cry again. I knew another family member had made it through immigration.  Sure enough there was my 8 year old son at the front of the plane.  He had come all by himself as Conrad was still waiting to make it through immigration with all our passports.  Then the final roar and the tears wouldn’t stop.  I knew that my husband deserved the cheering for a job well done, but I also knew it meant this stage in our life was over. 

As the plane took to the skies, I waved frantically to the people waving on the observation deck.  I knew they were going to have to go home and deal with the lost just as I was having going to be dealing with lost.   I knew from experience how hard it is to watch that plane take off with someone you have come to love, and yet they had stayed to watch us board and take off.  The honor they had bestowed on us those last minutes was so much more than I had ever imagine and I wept.  The city was just a blur of colors through my tears.

Later the lady across the aisle from me, asked how long we had lived there.  I said 6 ½ years and this is our last flight out.  She commented how it was obvious that I loved the city and it's people.  That’s the crazy part about love.  Just 7 ½ years earlier, I had boarded a plane and watched a group of people I loved from my passport country wave good-bye as tears streamed down my face.  At that point, I had no idea how deep my love for another country and people would be in the future.  I could not imagine leaving another country and have the same intense emotions and tears.  And yet, here I was leaving with tears stream down my face.  Leaving a life that been the fulfillment of a dream that my husband and I had for years, to follow our Heavenly Father on a new path.  A path different than we expected and yet God had specifically spoken, directed, and we had chosen to obey. "

                             

~~~~~~~~~~

I never dreamed that at the year mark, that tears would still fall so freely as I remember. I thought by this time the “new normal” would feel normal.  But it hasn’t, not yet.  I still find myself stopping from time to time when I want to quick send a text to one of my friends in Mozambique about something. Or checking my email for an update about something happening with MAF.  And we still haven't found an Indian Restaurant that taste like Indian food in our favorite restaurant in Mozambique.  But " new normal" is coming.  I no longer worry if it’s ok to wash if I only had half a batch of laundry because I’m now sure we won’t run out of water here in the USA.  I’m getting used to have electric and internet whenever it is needed. I’m learning my way around the stores again and where to find my favorite things for the cheapest price. J I’m adjusting back to the culture that once was “normal” to me.  As I look back over the year, a new normal is forming.

Together our family is walking the journey and all the emotions that go with such a large transition.  Yes, there are still tears and we still talk about what it would be like to get back on a plane and go back from time to time.  But even then, we know in our hearts that we are right were God wants us. 

Isn’t that what we should all seek, to be right where God wants us at that exact moment.  Listening for His voice as He directs our daily, week, monthly, and yearly steps and decisions. Conrad and I have been focusing on not just listening to God’s voice and noting when He asks for us, but also meditating on what these words whispered into our hearts means about who Jesus is.  As I look back over the answers this last year, I see a God who loves me so much that He has and continues to provide exactly what we need when we need it.   He directs our path and conversations.  He brings healing to hurting hearts.   He protects us.  He is always available, and as we walk this journey of grief and change, He wraps His arms of love around us and comforts us.

Here are a few pictures for our last couple of days in Nampula, Mozambique.

One of the last pictures I took of people with something on their head.  It was always a fun game of eye spy to see what people were carrying whenever we went to town.  Our favorites are still the time we spotted a guy with a toilet and other time a guy with a chest freezer.

One of our favorite restaurants is very close to this beautiful rock.

One of the last drives through this part of the city.

Can't say I miss these roads. :)

In the next couple of days, I want to share with you ways that we have seen God go before us and provide for us in the last year.