Cognitive Grief

 

The world as I have known it here in the United States is changing.

 What is my response? What is your response?

As I ponder what is happening, I keep coming back to a lesson we learned in Mozambique.

There was a time in Mozambique when home invasions were becoming more and more common. In one of the home invasions, a missionary was injured and needed to be evacuated by air ambulance. This missionary, a pilot and piano player, had a hand injury so bad that we didn’t know if he would ever be able to do those two things again. While we gave lip service to “We will not fear; God is in control,” the mission community as a whole started to show signs of panic and irrational thinking. At the time, the community thought we were handling the crisis well; but looking back my husband and I have come to realize that many of our decisions were made out of fear and grief. Our world had been shaken up in a way we weren’t expecting. God had allowed one of our own to be injured.

The situation we are facing here in the USA now has some of those same themes. As Christians, we know that we are to trust and that it will be ok. But there is this fear of the unknown that wants to creep into our minds and hearts to control us. So what do we do?

A very wise lady and mentor to me in the missionary community put together a presentation on grief. I attended her lecture, not sure how it would be relevant. What I learned that night has radically changed how I view many uncertain events in my life. I’d like to share some things that I learned.

This definition of grief, gave me so much hope. “Grief is a natural process of discovering what was lost, what is left, and what is possible.” John Schneider. For the first time, I heard about cognitive losses: how you perceive and know things. Most of us are familiar with grief for loved ones who have died. But we don’t think about this idea of grieving cognitive losses.

Cognitive losses include things like: dreams, security, safety, trust, mental sharpness, lifestyle, plans for the future, etc. Often we are scared to try to unpack what grief in this area looks like. What if I can’t stop crying? What good can come from acknowledging it? What if it takes too much time? What if I do the process but it’s doesn’t “fix” anything? These questions are all coming out of a place of fear in our lives. To deal with grief takes courage and strength. But to not deal with grief leaves a person feeling stuck and frustrated.

As we correctly deal with our grief, it gives us room in our hearts to help others deal with their grief. It gives space to show love when you just want to judge. It gives wisdom to see past what is being said to what is behind the words.

There are many different ways to deal with grief, but the first and most important thing is to call it what it is and what it is not. Example: So today I am grieving the loss of security for my country and my family and life as we know it for a season because of the coronavirus. But the coronavirus is NOT bigger than my God. This is not a one-time statement but something that you need to revisit as it comes to mind. May I encourage you during this time of grief to make sure that you ask God to place the Helmet of Salvation on your head to help control your thoughts. Ask God to show you the lies that Satan is throwing at your mind to cause more grief or panic.

I have found personally that sometimes just acknowledging that I am grieving what I have always known, and reminding myself that God is still in control, gives me the ability to move forward. Sometimes it takes more intentional work and really taking each thought captive and comparing it against God’s Word for what is true. (check out the my blog on lamenting to help with the process)  But whether it’s a one-time thing or a process over days, I have found that acknowledging the grief and calling it what it is has always given me room in my heart to love others better. It’s not a sign of weakness but a way to start to deal with the emotions, process what is really going on, and then caring for others as they process.

I don’t know where you find yourself in the journey that is now facing us here in the USA, but I encourage you to acknowledge that life has changed and we need to move forward. Not because we have answers but because we have a God who has the answers. May we acknowledge that there is a form of grief that goes with the uncertainty and change of life as we knew it. May we process our own grief in the situation, may we always remember 2 Corinthians 1:4 “He comforts us in all our trouble so that we can comfort others.” It is worth taking time to think through this SO THAT we can minister more effectively to those God has placed in our influence.